It used to go like this: The nice doctor smiles and checks your heart, ears, and knees, pronounces you healthy, and off you go. Grab a lollipop on your way out! (Doctors used to have candy jars. Dentists used to give out toothbrushes.) You are not yet 20! Life is good!
Then suddenly you’ve flown past 30. Cried over 40. Crept up on 45. And now, anything can happen.
Like this: I was having pain under my ribs for days. I finally went to the ER. Pancreatitis? Really? I had a follow-up MRI, because pancreatitis is for old alcoholic men; I was a tiny 43-year-old woman who can barely finish a beer. On results day, I perched on the edge of a big rolling chair as the doctor made an invisible circle on the computer screen with his capped pen. Here is your pancreas, he said of one mystery blob. And here—tapping a shadow on the blob—is the mass on your pancreas.
A mass on my pancreas. Continue reading


3 – 7 February
If you were a kid in the eighties in California, you might have done things like this: Save the bathwater and flush the toilets with it. Turn off the shower when you soaped up. Let it mellow. You might have even had a Rube Goldberg-like contraption like the one my dad made to use water from the washing machine for the plants. Maybe, like me, you got embarrassed when you saw the signs that read “Save Water. Shower with a friend!” We were all drought experts then. In my freshman dorm, my roommate even policed other people’s sinks while they brushed their teeth.

January 27 – 31