Look up

Credit: Katharine Andrews

On May 10, I leave my house in northern Washington state just after dawn. I drive alone along a braided river, over sagebrush plateaus, and through fields of golden flowers. Then one plane across the Cascades, and another across the Rockies, to finally land in my my childhood home in Colorado. I’ve come to stand alongside my dad as we observe the passing of his sister, my aunt. My oldest sister has come from Wisconsin; another cousin, from New York. There are cousins and an uncle and aunt in Denver; my mom and my brother and sister-in-law and nephew and niece in Boulder. Still others will gather on Zoom, to watch the service from a distance, because they can’t make the trip.

The night I arrive, I curl up in bed in the guest room at my parents’ house and scroll through news on my phone. I learn that a powerful solar storm is hurling great arcs of ions towards Earth, where they will cascade through the atmosphere in a light show that may be visible as far south as Florida and Alabama. The aurora borealis. It’s late, and I’m exhausted, but I pad into the living room to stand on the back of the couch and peer north through the high windows under the ceiling eave. Clouds and city lights blur the horizon, so I return to bed.

Should I? I wonder. I stare at the phone, then begin punching in every name I can think of back in the valley where I live. By the time I’m done, I have 28. I write a quick note, telling everyone to watch the sky. Maybe, being so much farther north, they will see what I can’t. Maybe they will pass the message on to others I didn’t think of, kicking off a sort of celestial phone tree that says simply, Look up. I pause again, fretting about how overwhelming a group text can be once replies start rolling in, and likes of replies, and replies to liked replies. Then, I hit send.

Notifications start buzzing immediately, and I worry that maybe I’ve already annoyed everyone. But messages and pictures keep coming. At first, there are faint white bands of light. Then, they glow weakly green, dancing alongside a bright moon. One friend laments that the aurora looks better and clearer in the photos than in the sky—the camera picking up things that human eyes cannot. I laugh and turn off the phone and go to sleep.

Credit: Joshua Porter
Credit: Leia Hansen

When I wake the next day, there are 30 new texts. This group of people, many of whom don’t know one another’s phone numbers and so aren’t sure who they’re talking to, have been telling each other where to look, and reporting back on what they’re seeing in the skies over their respective locations—Carlton, Twisp, Winthrop, Bear Creek, Davis Lake, Glacier, even Kelowna. I scroll down to find them exclaiming, “holy guacamole” and “this is wild.” Then the thread is mostly photos, as if words have fallen short. The greens grow deeper, then blend with pinks and reds, the images showing a many-vantaged view of what I can only describe as a full-on Ghostbusters sky—a shimmering rosette flanked by beams of color, billowing high above houses, trees, mountains.

Credit: Will Menzies
Credit: Eric Thorp

I scroll through a second time, then a third, feeling as elated as if I had seen the aurora myself, from all of these places at once. I get up and show my mom and my dad.

Across the world, people watched, for a few moments or a few hours. They reached out to others, who told others. And somehow, our combined attention made this momentous sight—the bright touch of our sun—even bigger. It magnified in the telling, in the shared experience, a collective awe reaching through and beyond all of us. We were small together, and part of a giant universe, together.

It occurs to me later as I watch my dad give my aunt’s eulogy that this is one reason why people gather. Watching the moon eclipse the sun, or the Earth’s shadow eclipse the moon. Watching two people join their lives and their communities at a wedding. Mourning the loss of someone we love, and celebrating what they made, and who they were, and who they were to us. That they live on through the stories we tell about them, and the new things we learn about their lives from one another. That we were small together, that we were part of a giant universe, together.

Credit: Katharine Andrews

This post originally appeared in May 2024, to honor my aunt Pricilla. I dedicate it here to my late aunt Mary Ellen and my late uncle Jim, both of whom we lost in the past year, and gathered this summer to remember.

Birds of the District of Columbia

taxidermied blue jay on a twig in a museum case

Birds of the District of Columbia used to be a weird little secret at the Smithsonian’s National Museum of Natural History, an exhibit I often had all to myself – a bunch of taxidermied birds in old-school wood and glass cases, lining the hallway around the basement auditorium.

On a recent visit to the museum, I discovered that the birds – with new labels, but cases that looked like they could be the originals – had been moved to a place that, while not exactly prominent, is at least stumble-upon-able, if you enter the dinosaur hall from the front, wander all the way to the back, and keep on going.

This appeared to be a common path, because a lot of other people were looking at the birds with me this time, speaking many languages.

The exhibit is supposed to cover all of the birds that have been sighted in the District of Columbia, and many of them are familiar – the house sparrow, various herons, a couple dozen ducks. Various thrushes and shorebirds. Raptors, like the ospreys I’ve seen flying along the Anacostia and the Potomac and fishing in the Tidal Basin. Seven species of woodpecker.

Three species that have been seen in D.C. are extinct now – the passenger pigeon and the Carolina parakeet, which I knew about, and the heath hen, which I didn’t. The internet tells me it’s a grouse that’s been extinct since the 1930s.

As I admired the cedar waxwing, remembering the flock that passed through my neighborhood last spring, two women burbled up on my right, speaking a European-sounding language that I couldn’t immediately pin down, stopped at the blue jay, and pointed, excited – “Ah, Mordecai! Mordecai!”

I was already holding my phone so I googled – in what language is a blue jay called a “Mordecai”? Google’s AI gently broke it to me that this is not a foreign word for “blue jay” but is in fact the name of an anthropomorphic blue jay on the Cartoon Network animated series Regular Show.

Ah. So, humanity being brought together not really by nature, but by pop culture. One of the women took a picture of Mordecai and a minute later I did, too, because a blue jay is a damn fine bird, wherever you find it.

Photo: Helen Fields, obviously

The Round of Introductions You Didn’t Ask For

I’ve been yammering on here at LWON for long enough now that it’s time for readers to get to know me a little more intimately. That means some introductions are in order.

We’ll start strong with my buddy Gus, the Skittle-size hemangioma spooning my liver. As you can imagine, this bundle of excess blood vessels gave me a little scare the first time we met via CT scan, but now we’re pals; I can count on him to be there for the rest of my days.

Next up is Clint, my left-ear dehiscence. He showed up during fetal development, or should I say he missed our scheduled meeting, leaving a gap where parts should have come together. As a result, my left ear forever feels full, it clicks and hisses at me, and sometimes my breathing is disturbingly loud in my own head. I get momentary dizzy spells, too. Patching up Clint would require drilling into my skull beneath my ear, so I’ll be living with this developmental blip for the duration.

Then there’s Betty and the [Bloody] Dozen, my lung node and 12 blood clots that appeared ensemble two years ago, putting me on the fast track to the ER! Betty appears to have tucked in for the long haul—maintaining her girlish figure, thankfully—but the Dozen had to go before they sent me to Stroketown. A little pill that blocks clotting factor Xa did the trick, but I have to keep taking it forever and I’m not allowed to bump my head ever again.

Emmet sits left of center between my eyes, seeming more scar than wrinkle, but I have no memory of an injury there. I’m not sure how he got so deep or why the other one in my “eleven” is much shorter and shallower. Not that symmetry has ever been my thing. I’m unbalanced in lots of ways; just ask my husband. Anyway, Emmet might meet a needle full of Botox someday. We’ll see.

Cybil is the chin scar reminding me of my decades-ago fancy footwork at the ice rink, which ended that one time when I went down harder than usual. A lesson from that day: If you must injure your chin, doing it on ice is super efficient from a first-aid perspective. Regardless, seven stitches led to Cybil’s emergence, and she’s refused to fade away.

Which leads to Finn, my most persistent chin hair—oddly, rooted in Cybil. He enjoys growing to at least an inch before making himself known. I don’t know how he does it.  One day he’s not there and then suddenly, there’s Finn, long as a blade of grass, making a scene. (The one benefit of losing one’s eyesight with age? No more Finn. I may be drawing on my eyebrows with lipstick, but soon Finn will be a distant memory.)

I kindly call my one droopy eye Grace; she’s very self-conscious. Most of the time she’s not that noticeable unless you know to look for her. I probably shouldn’t have mentioned her at all.

Skeeter is my left-eye floater. Irritating as hell, that one. He arrived with great fanfare—flashing lights and dizziness! Now it’s just him, that buggy speck that try as I might I can’t pin down. My swatting him away is fruitless. Doc says there are more to come so settle in.

My cowlick, top left, I call Rinske the temptress. I have nearly mastered the comb-over that keeps her modest, but sometimes she shows a little extra skin and I’m forced to put a clip in her. She hates that.

Omar is the brown mole on the cartilage in my right ear, and Omar requires constant monitoring because he’s extremely ambitious. I tell him I like him just the way he is. Regularly I say to him, “Omar? Don’t go changin.” So far so good.

They don’t have individual names, but periodic white “hotdog spots” mottle my arms and legs. I’m not sure if they’re a fungus or signs of an autoimmune skin condition, but I think of them as bits of gristle in the meat of my extremities and I do admire how they pop against sun-kissed skin.

I have a soft spot for Boris the spider vein.

What to call the cherry angiomas, other than a fabulous band name? You tell me.

I think that’s enough for now, don’t you? The skin tabs (Blimpy, Gilgamesh, and Ray) and the most unflappable of warts (the Hydra) can wait until another day. Also, be ready for Pip, the tiny bead of flesh at the center of my belly button, who is sort of adorable, if I may.

Here’s the thing. In my experience, especially for the bits of ourselves we are least fond of or that threaten to do us harm, giving them names seems to take some of their power away. They’re just the little frenemies our moms made us be nice to because, after all, they’re family. You can’t pick ‘em, so name ‘em and give ‘em some love.

Until next time, may your body, like mine, keep accessorizing, and may your next crusty addition answer to Stimpy McGee.

Photo from Unsplash.

One Damn Thing After Another

My mom watering her flowers as a wildfire approaches

I’m helping my mom evacuate, the air getting harder to breathe in this charred perfume, 23 square miles of conifers and oakbrush gone up in flames several miles away. Last report, the fire was about to crest the ridge at 10,000 feet where the front line is being slurried and fought with trenches and hand tools. It’s called the Gold Mountain Fire, started four days ago outside of Ouray, Colorado, from powerlines downed in a windstorm. That wind hasn’t let up. Ash twirls down on us like snow. 

My mom and I carry out furniture she built, heavy oak productions that we load in our two trucks, plus my stepdad’s laptop, a Navajo rug, and a copper bucket containing a box of matches, anything that just can’t be replaced. 

Hold up, I say to the copper bucket and its matches. Why are we taking this?

My mom puzzles the question. She looks exhausted. She says, In case it gets so hot in the house they light.

If it’s that hot, it’s too late. 

I think she’s gotten four hours sleep in the last two nights, and she’s 80, and like feathers of mascara, ashes have landed on her cheeks and shoulders. My stepdad would be here but he had surgery yesterday and is down at their place in town recovering.

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In Search of Low Carbon Joy

Co-Authors Dr. Jiaying Zhao and Dr. Elizabeth Dunn

I’ve been following Liz Dunn’s happiness research for a while, and now she has co-written a new book, Leave the Lights On: How Joyful Decisions Can Save Our Species (Penguin Random House), about how joy could be the missing weapon in our fight against climate change. Here we sit down for a Q&A about her work.

Jessa: So you and Jiaying Zhao, colleagues at University of British Columbia, have co-written a book. What are your respective research foci and how do they fit together in this collaboration?

Liz: I’m a happiness researcher, and my work focuses on how to optimize our use of resources to maximize happiness. So time, money, technology—I studied AI and smartphones and things like that, and then I got interested in carbon as another one of these. In this case, we don’t want to create too much of it. JZ is one of the world’s leading experts on the behavioural side of climate change. So, how do we change human behaviour in a way that tackles climate change.

Our two specialties are usually on opposite sides of the room—we do not find ourselves next to each other at a cocktail party. But in this case, bringing our almost non-overlapping areas of expertise together has been really powerful. It creates dual lenses so we can find the sweet spot between having a genuine impact on climate change and what makes people happier.

Jessa: One of the concepts in the book that really rang true for me was hedonic adaptation. What people think will make them happy only does up to a point. How does that manifest in our daily lives?

Liz: Yeah, so hedonic adaptation is like the gravity of happiness research—it keeps us from floating away with joy. Whatever happens to us in life, we tend to adapt to it. That’s good because we are pretty good at recovering from bad things, but we also recover from good ones. Somebody from the Renaissance would be blown away by the comforts and conveniences of our daily lives, but we don’t walk around marveling at them. We get used to them.

This is important for thinking about climate change, because it can be tempting to overconsume, ratcheting up our desires and feeling like we need more. The mistake we make is thinking the 10th pair of designer shoes will give us the same level of pleasure the first one did.

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On Boundary Conditions

Three years ago I wrote a post about boundary conditions, those irrevocabilities that set limits on our lives. (You don’t like having limits? you want to negotiate limits? too bad. Boundary conditions like uncertainty and change, for instance, you want security? too bad; you want to make plans? too bad. Or old age, too bad; and of course death comes to mind.) Anyway, I illustrated that post with an errant phlox that just showed up in the amsonia, that seemed to be a sign of something good. That phlox: even with all the non-negotiable boundary conditions, boink! here I am anyway!

Anyway, today, after a few days of staying inside because the smoke-soaked air came with excited public health warnings, I went outside. The air was better, not green yet but yellow and at least not orange let alone purple. So I walked around the garden, looked at the amsonia, and boink, there was the phlox again, only not just one phlox but two. The phlox had doubled. What could this mean? Was it good? It seemed good.

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Consent & the Afterlife

The cartonnage of Gautseshenu, ca. 945–712 B.C.E. Image by the Brooklyn Museum.

In the Egyptian wing of the Brooklyn Museum my young son stands before a beautiful coffin containing the body of woman named Gautseshenu. Her name means “bouquet of lotuses,” though neither of us can pronounce it. After a couple bumbling tries we stop, me out of embarrassment and him because her name is not the point, and the whole idea here is still so very, very strange. 

How old? he asks again. 

Almost 3,000 years, I say.

And how old am I? 

He knows. He’s just checking against a void of time he can feel but make no sense of. The numbers, after all, mean nothing. Nor do the dynasties, the stories of the gods, the practical matters of corpse conservation. Some much more fundamental attraction is unfolding, and it’s linked to this: just beyond a few layers of linen, gesso, and paint, is a body. And just beyond that is the world of the dead. I’ve now watched this odd magic work its irresistible charm on both this son and his older brother—as well as hundreds of other kids who’ve stood beside us at various museums, staring at the mummies and tapping on the glass, weekend after weekend, year after year. 

A couple of decades ago Gautseshenu and other mummies here in Brooklyn were pulled from their galleries and returned to storage, away from the view of visitors. According to the museum’s web site, it had something to do with respect, or at least a reconsideration of what we think we’re trying to accomplish when we put the old dead on display. The mummies have been back for many years, though, and there have even been some relatively new discoveries made from them: at least two of the Brooklyn mummies were long mis-gendered as women, and are today—after CT scans—understood to be men. 

There is also now a quiet acknowledgment in the gallery of the fact that so puzzles and fascinates my sons: rich and exotic as they appear, colorful as carnival prizes, inside each of these packages are the remains of an actual person. Someone who assumed (or at least hoped) that after death they would spend eternity undisturbed. A sign at the entrance to the mummy chamber asks you to remember this, but my son, only 5, cannot yet read.

And yet it comes up. I’ve actually found questions about dignity and propriety to be among the first kids ask about the dead-on-display—once they get past the goosebumps. Years ago at the Met my eldest son paused, stood up from his examination of a mummy, and said, Why are they here? Did they know they would be? Now, before Gautseshenu, my middle son wants to know, Where is her family? Each question, in its way, is about belonging, but also consent—something we may never ask of the old dead. 

For a while on this late Saturday morning my son and I have the gallery nearly to ourselves. He wants to race to the mummies, to blast thought centuries and get to them. I try to slow him down, pull him toward statues and jewelry, scarabs and sphinxes. But there’s no tempering the allure of death, and soon we’re in the mummy chamber.

Here, he learns to identify Anubis, Osiris, Horus, heavy-hitters of the Egyptian pantheon, and moves from object to object, sarcophagus to cartonnage, finding them easily. Against the glass of the cases he traces hieroglyphs. And he squints skeptically at the eye painted on some of the coffins, through which the dead were believed to see: a kind of window onto the world they were leaving behind. 

Can they really see us? he asks.

Silently I think, I hope not. Out loud I just say, Maybe

He takes a step or two back, measuring the distance again between himself and the dead. Then, before he bounds away, he holds up a finger and wags it the mummy, as if to say, Oh no you don’t.

Lost in Curiosity

Our Roberta wrote a book!

Roberta Kwok wrote for The Last Word on Nothing for several years — and once a Person of LWON, always a Person of LWON. Her first book, Lost in Curiosity, comes out on July 21. It’s filled with stories of the ups and downs of astronomers, physicists, frog biologists, and more (read on to find out which chapter got its start as an LWON post).

Indie booksellers have already been celebrating Roberta’s writing, and we want to celebrate, too! Here’s an interview with Roberta about her fabulous new book.

*

Cameron: How did the idea for the book come about?

Roberta: It’s hard to believe, but the seed for this book was planted 20 years ago. I was an MFA student in creative writing at Indiana University Bloomington, and I decided to write an essay about a scientist friend, Ben Blackman, who studied sunflowers. As part of the reporting, I followed him on a 20-hour lab experiment collecting leaf samples every few hours. And what struck me was how many things went wrong; most critically, at the 11pm and 3am timepoints, Ben discovered that some lights weren’t configured correctly, and all the samples we’d just laboriously collected might be useless. But he seemed to see this state of affairs as pretty normal and was ready to re-do the entire experiment. (Meanwhile, I was exhausted because I never stayed up this late.)

About 12 years later, I thought that maybe I could write a book exploring that theme — the hidden human struggles, failures, and uncertainty behind scientific discoveries, or the opposite of a Eureka moment. I loved narrative science books like Lab Girl and Owls of the Eastern Ice, where researchers told stories of the obstacles they’d faced and overcome. I wanted to take that idea a step further by following a research project from a different field in each chapter, creating a sort of tapestry of science. The vision was that the book could show science as a massive collective enterprise driven by the tiny steps — forward, and often backward — that individual scientists take.

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