Because I’m traveling today, to the annual science writers’ conference, I’ve taken the unusual step of running a guest post without clearing it with the rest of the LWON team. My sweet baby Chihuahua mix T.S. Eliot Nestor (pictured above) asked to respond to Our Jenny’s post this week (Little Dog Big Heart), in which she called small dogs “perpetual barkers of the piercing sort” and said they have “atrocious” breath, as well as strongly implying that they are not real dogs. I took dictation and have added rough translations.
Take it away, Eliot:
Woof. Woof woof woof woof woof.
Dear Auntie Jenny:
Woof woof woof woof woof woof.
You are wrong about me and my fellow smalldogkind. [Ed. note: I should clarify that he doesn’t actually know any other small dogs, or any dogs, because his idea of how to greet a dog is to lunge and bark wildly, and they don’t like it.]
Woof woof woof woof woooooffffff whine BARK BARK BARK.
About the “atrocious” breath: I agree, and I bet my breath would smell more interesting if my mom would let me eat all the treasures I find on our walks. [Ed.: Dogs are gross. And despite his dislike of the toothbrush, his breath somehow smells great.]
Woof woof woof whiiiine whine whine. Bark! Whiiinnne.
Am I “loyal to one and hateful to the rest of us”? No. I love my two humans equally, although Daddy is my current favorite, and I love everyone else too until they stop petting me and try to walk away, and then I hate them. This is not “hateful,” it is rational, because they are bad.
Woof woof woof woof woof bark bark bark bark.
If you came over, I would probably bark at you, but “piercing” is unfair.
Whiiiiiine yip yip yip.
You should come over some time and let me bark at I mean charm you.
Woof woof woof. Woof woof. Woof! Woof woof woof.
In conclusion, I am definitely a real dog, because I love walks and bully sticks. [Ed.: The bully sticks are very small and he will do anything for a Churu cat treat]
Whiiiine
Love, Eliot
Woof woof wooof woof woof woof.
P.S. Thank you for Blue Dog.
Photos: Eliot’s official photographer, Helen Fields, obviously
wooofffff wooof whiiineee woof WOOOOFFF
Plus, Woooooooof whine woof! You know what I’m saying.
Dear Eliot, my DEEPEST apologies as you are clearly adorable and despite a few small-dog traits you are a very good boy. I remain your humble servant, J. (Blue dog: You are so welcome!)
Bark bark bark bark bark!!!!!!
“I forgive you and I look forward to jumping on you while yipping non-piercingly on a future occasion.”
Thank you T.S. Eliot Nestor for being absolutely adorable with your Blue Dog buddy. I’ve kept your picture open in a tab on my browser while tending to all sorts matters (some very undelightful) the last few weeks. When I finish said unpleasant tasks, I switch over to the picture of you and Blue Dog and instantly start to smile or even laugh. Lots of pets and loves to you. <3 <3 <3