The Last Word On Nothing

It came as a surprise, a gift from no one in particular: a blush-pink postcard tucked beneath the bottle of sunscreen in my Sephora order, emblazoned with an utterly mystifying collection of words.

HANGOVERx PILLOW BALM

(What?)

We LOVE your lips even when you don’t

(What?)

Infused with mineral-rich stardust

(WHAT?)

The shiny pink button affixed to the card was, I realized, a sample of the product. I turned the card over and was rewarded with a wall of cramped text and new levels of confusion.

This luxuriously rich and creamy balm is infused with an ultra-charged blend of minerals sourced from real FALLING STARS and a nourishing complex of fruit oils, conditioning butters, coconut water and plumping hyaluronic acid for pillowy soft, ultra hydrated, replenished lips.

The ingredient list was significantly smaller, nearly requiring a magnifying glass to read. But there it was, after the nourishing fruit oils and C12-15 alkyl benzoate:

meteorite powder

…What?

*

If you’ve been reading my LWON posts for a little while, you may have noticed a pattern:

1. Kate encounters something strange and
2. decides to investigate for LWON, then
3. hits one dead end and declares the strange thing a mystery, completely unknowable

I stared at the stardust lip balm and vowed that it would not become another one of those things.

*

A search on the cosmetics database INCIdecoder returned 16 products claiming to contain meteorite powder. Another 8 products, including something called “STARSKIN 7-Second Overnight Mask,”* purportedly contain meteorite extract, which is most definitely not a thing.

The database defined meteorite powder as “the powder obtained from finely ground meteorite fragments,” and meteorite extract as “the extract of meteorite consisting chiefly of magnesium silicate and calcium silicate.” The ingredients’ functions were listed as skin protecting, skin conditioning, and hair conditioning. (According to whom???)

*

The meteorite is a source of the light
and the meteor's just what we see
and the meteoroid is a stone that's devoid 
of the fire that propelled it to thee

And the meteorite's just what causes the light
and the meteor's how it's perceived
and the meteoroid's a bone thrown from the void 
that lies quiet in offering to thee


Joanna Newsom, “Emily”

This is what I sing to myself, when I need to remember the difference.

*

The words cosmic and cosmetics both come from the Greek kosmos, meaning order and ornament. (The stars bejewel the heavens. The lip balm bejewels the face.)

*

None of the cosmetics companies disclosed the source of their meteorite powder, nor how much of this ‘stardust’ their products actually contained. Emails to two companies’ customer service desks yielded promises of additional information that never materialized. Then they just stopped responding.

The thing that galled me the most, aside from the mirror-maze of dead ends, was the liberal use of the words “research” and “proven.” No one cited a single source. They couldn’t, because there is no research, and none of these claims have been proven.

This seems like a good moment to remind you that beauty products are only veeeery loosely regulated in the United States.

*

The trail kept going cold. Then I found it: an unbelievably sketchy-looking Florida-based company called Dynamic Innovation Labs, which wholesales something they call “AC Meteorite Powder” to makeup manufacturers. Aha! I thought. The source! Answers! But—and at this point, I really shouldn’t be surprised—the product page only left me with more questions, most of which were “what the hell?”

Some choice excerpts:

“Products with Meteorite dust are certain to catch the attention of the media who just love the concept of something very different yet completely natural.”

“You do not have to be superstitious to think it is very lucky to find a meteorite. Traditional healers believe Meteorites are gifts from other Worlds. They use them for their vibrant other-worldly energy.” (their emphasis)

“Meteorites are also associated by healers with giving order to a chaotic situation. They have been use [sic] to break old habits and cure phobias, to assist spiritual growth, enhance psychic abilities and to connect with beings from other realms.”

…What?

Notably, the product page included zero information (my emphasis) about how to purchase the product.

I used the website’s Contact Us form to inquire, as sweetly and innocently as possible, where their meteorite powder originated. I provided a real burner email address and a fake phone number and listed my name as Ann Hodges, because we’ve all got to get our kicks somewhere.     

Dynamic Innovation Labs did not respond to Mrs. Hodges’ questions.

*

This is the moment I threw in the towel. I’m not an investigative journalist, and I have no interest in becoming one. I’m a curious person who loves research. I am also very, very tired.   

But the investigation wasn’t a complete bust. I practiced perseverance, I listened to one of my favorite albums on repeat, and I ended up learning a lot about the meteorites themselves.

My favorite fact, and one that will probably become a poem someday, is that people with frizzy hair and those who wear wire-rimmed glasses may be more likely to hear meteors passing overhead.

I could re-read that sentence every day of my life and never stop being amazed.

*

Happy comet drawing: me, 2023.
Painting: Franz von Stuck, Sternschnuppen (Falling Stars), 1912.

*Is it 7 seconds, or is it overnight? It can’t be both, STARSKIN. You have to choose.