The Last Word On Nothing

I try not to use social media, but I can’t bring myself to quit entirely. Despite the evil it has wrought, Facebook remains a good way to keep tabs on friends I otherwise don’t see or connect with often, or at all. I decided a while ago that these sweet updates were worth the otherwise sad price of admission. (Twitter is another story; I am off the hellsite for now, but I may eat my words when I have a book to promote.)

So I do check Facebook, more often than I should, and I certainly check Instagram more often than I should. (You can follow my public account here.) On Facebook, I remain a member of many groups, including ones specific to local writers, science writers, writers, writers who are parents, parents who are researchers, and so on. The algorithm shows me posts from these groups on occasion, and they have begun to feel really familiar lately — which is not the work of the algorithm, I think, but because I know exactly what they are going to say.

Every time I’m tempted to post something, whether it’s an issue I’m trying to solve with my kids or my instant reaction after a new episode of the Mandalorian, I ask myself what I will gain from the exchange. I made this handy flow chart:

Will I learn something helpful? Maybe. Will the interaction be negative? It’s the Internet, so, you know. Will this negative interaction ultimately piss me off? Likely. Will it therefore be a waste of my time? Yes.
Here are a few examples I made up that illustrate my point.

Post No. 1

Group Member
My spirited child is 6 and has been so defiant lately. I snapped the other night when she poured water in my slippers and demanded Cheetos with pickles for dinner — hey, I’m human! — but I feel like I’m failing her. Any advice? Please be gentle.

Replies

User1
Hugs, mama. You’re not alone.

User2
Apologize to her tomorrow and redirect. It’s our job to offer food, it’s their job to decide how much to eat.

User3
At this age, self regulation is still developing. You’re asking too much of a six-year-old. Don’t buy Cheetos if you don’t want her to eat them for dinner. What did you expect?

User4
Cheetos contain Red No. 40, so you should first douse them in acid and then throw them in the garbage. I noticed my son acted a lot less wild when we eliminated all dyes and fragrances from our home. But I do have my hair highlighted every four weeks, a six-hour process during which my au pair watches my children.

User5
Have you tried essential oils?

User6
Give her Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and see what happens next time! LOL
(three members reacted with laughing emoji)

Post No. 2

Group Member
Hi lovely writers,
Does anyone have a good source who can speak to this hyper-specific question on one polypeptide somethingorother that reacts to the thingamajig in those with post-COVID sequelae? I’d prefer a woman or POC, obviously. I’m on deadline and no one is getting back to me!

Replies
Eighteen hyper-specific helpful responses with source names and locations

Original poster
I love this group!

Post No. 3

Group Member
When are we all going to talk about how Bo-Katan is a terrorist? She was a member of Death Watch. It’s just a matter of time before she betrays Din Djarin and tries to get the Darksaber back. So why are they making us believe she’s friendly and honestly trying to help? Come on, Filoni!

Replies

User1
I ship Bo and Din!! Check out my fanfic on ao3 just uploaded

User2
Children of the Watch is the same as Death Watch, right, just with a different name? When will we get a Satine flashback?

User3
Uh, why is Bo-Katan still so young when Obi-Wan is old AF by this point in the timeline??*

User4
The sequel era sucks, bring back Tarkin and Thrawn!

You get the idea. You have a question and you’re tempted to post it on an online forum? Don’t. There is no point. You can play out the entire scenario in your head and know exactly the types of responses you’ll receive. Save yourself the hassle and imagine what everyone will say, and make a decision that is yours alone. That’s what you’ll do anyway — it’s what we all do — but you will save yourself the headache of being Extremely Online in 2023.

This advice is good. I know it is being published in an online forum on which we invite comments, but this is different, because it is good advice. Trust me. Just, you know, do what I said, and I promise you’ll feel better.

You’re not alone. You’re doing a great job.

Hugs.

*I would genuinely like an explanation for this

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Image credit: Flickr user Survey Hacks cc-by-2.0