The Last Word On Nothing

Spleen, I’m so sorry I let you go.

It was some years ago, now, and I was in surgery for a thing that looked like pancreatic cancer, but, thankfully, wasn’t. You may recall what happened, that I had a truly unusual autoimmune response in a neighboring organ–a sort of fishnet tissue growth took over the tail of the pancreas–and that you got a dose of it, too.

That must have been scary for you, being in that cellular straight jacket!

So, they freed you, Spleen, snipping your connections and pulling you from your tucked-away spot under my ribcage. An unplanned splenectomy–I was just as surprised as you!–and in my grogginess later I didn’t think to mourn your passing. I heard you were unceremoniously tossed into that bin of misfits marked “biological waste,” and I did wish I’d been able to take you home in a jar, at the very least! But I’ll admit, then, I was more worried about losing part of that pancreas, your fine colleague, which happily turned out to have no ill effect at all.

Now, here we are less than half way through a global pandemic (I still can’t believe we are in the midst of such a thing), and I am looking back on you with great fondness, wishing you were here. You’ve been called inessential, but you’re no appendix or gall bladder–rest assured! I’m just sorry I never thought, before now, to express my appreciation for your years of service. So, I hope you’ll let me thank you here. In verse, of course.

Gone Spleen

You were there for me for decades
Like a pulpy purple cheese
A bouncer of bad red cells
A host of Bs and Ts

From your perch against my stomach
Near left kidney, you did shine
So quietly you did your work
Between ribs 12 and 9

Bacteria? Back off, you said
Few antigens squeezed by you
You truly were lymphatic gold
A real stand-up guy, who

Was always there to take a shift
As filter of the grime
Now the liver, nodes, and thymus must
Keep working overtime

They say a racehorse with no spleen
Can hardly race at all
That spleenless folks are more at risk
When germies come to call

Clearly you are valuable
With vital roles to play
I can’t believe I let you go
(Not that I had a say)

So people, please heed my advice
Appreciate your spleen
Cause you’ll need it more than ever
If you get Covid-19

—–

Covid-19 illustration by Felipe Esquivel Reed – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=87846813