Music in the Air

I had a conversation with an owl the other night. It was a barred owl, a pretty common species in the woods around our cabin in central Virginia. The bird got going early—well before dusk—and I happened to be outside with my native wooden flute (purchased from this lovely flutemaker in Canada), so I found similar notes and replied in the same pattern. There was a pause while cicadas and crickets took a turn. Then, the owl again. Four quick hoots, repeated twice, the final one dropping off into a guttural drag. I waited a few beats, lets the insects hum some more, then played again, the eight notes. Seconds passed. Then, the owl.

Barred owls aren’t just one-note birds: They have a variety of calls, more than a dozen by some counts, including one that you’d swear came from a monkey. But this was the one people like to say sounds like “Who cooks for you? Who cooks for you all?” (I’m not sold on that comparison, but it endures.)

It’s very possible, likely, even, that my flute playing had nothing to do with the owl’s decision to keep hooting. In my experience these owls will repeat the sequence at least a few times over a couple of minutes, regardless of any back talk. But I like to think we were conversing. There’s something magical about hearing a wild animal respond to you the way he would to his own kind, as if what you said was meaningful enough in his language to warrant a reply.

If barred owls weren’t so vocal, I wouldn’t know for sure they were around. Only once did I spy one, barely, as I pointed my flashlight beam into the big oak where a call seemed to be coming from. It was fully dark, but I glimpsed the bird’s eyeshine before he swooped toward me and then away, over my head. (A little anatomy: An owl’s eyes are super reflective, having an extra layer called the tapetum lucidum that snags light passing through the retina and bounces it back to what are already very sensitive rods.) The swoop was almost silent; I felt it more than heard it. Which is the owl’s way: The structure and texture of the wing feathers lets them funnel air very quietly by breaking up the turbulence that would otherwise whoosh.

But it was the calls moving through the air more than the bird’s anatomy that interested me that night. I thought about how the animal’s vocalizations in a sense fill a niche much as the physical animal does. It’s a more temporary residency, but still. I had the same notion some months before while lying in my tent in a rainforest in Borneo. I was listening, on my first night there, to the delightfully unfamiliar calls of wild things coming awake just before dawn. As cricket chirps were topped by a bird’s song that gave way to monkey chatter, I envisioned the soundscape in 3D with each unique noise—with its own pitch and volume and frequency—rushing in to inhabit an empty spot, standing tall to make itself known—ta da!–and then vacating just as quickly. Picture Tom Cruise in Minority Report flinging bits of data around in space with his finger…sliding this bit over, that one up, another one off screen, a new one in to replace it. That’s sort of how I saw it.

So, I think of animals as competing not just for a physical niche but for an aural one as well—a slot in the soundspace not yet taken that they can fill with chatter and alarms and music and be heard despite the din. It’s another way to make oneself known in a crowd. The variety makes it all possible: An elephant sending low-frequency rumbles through the Earth reaches her intended even as lions roar and cicadas scream. Like a lioness intent on spotting the weakest gazelle in the herd, an animal can hear a familiar voice and a known language rising above all others.

I don’t know that this is a terribly profound notion, but conversing with the owl, I realized that my flute toots were taking up one tiny pocket of aural space, filling that sound niche just for a moment, then flitting offscreen, leaving that spot vacant for the owl’s reply. Profound or no, it was kind of a neat way to think about it.

–Photo by Joshua J. Cotten on Unsplash

Mentally Vacationing In Lower Summer

Icelandic beach.

An Icelandic beach, which I did not visit this summer.

Summer is not over, officially, just yet; I know, it’s past Labor Day, but it is still Lower Summer* here and I am not ready. So although it is not gone, I am already mourning its end, especially the things I did not do, and the stone fruit I did not eat. (At least my daughters had more than they could bear.)

I have mostly been feeling like I did not travel as much as I would have liked this summer. I didn’t plan ahead; I had insufficient child care to do anything in a timely fashion, as always; and to be honest, my younger child is at a difficult age for travel. She loves airplanes, but really does not enjoy being inside of one.

I was a little envious when I saw photos from friends and colleagues who traveled to places like France and Japan for their honeymoons. I felt jealous when a high school friend shared photos of her visit to Iceland. I was a little disappointed that we didn’t we go somewhere equally cool and ambitious.

It’s not that I was trying to keep up with the Joneses or the whoevers. It was that these photos reminded me of what I love about long-distance travel, and traveling with my kids, as annoying as it can be logistically. Travel, especially international travel, drags you outside yourself, gives you a new perspective, forces you to be more aware of your surroundings. Unfamiliarity breeds admiration, even acclamation. Getting around in unfamiliar surroundings requires so much focus that you simply notice more. You appreciate more. You take it all in. I felt like I didn’t get enough of this, and worse, I was lazily depriving my kids of the singular joy of new experiences.

Over Labor Day weekend, I decided we needed to at least squeeze in a camping trip. My 2-year-old, the one who is not a good flier, was beyond excited.

When we arrived, she ran through the forest with her sister, who delighted in helping her look for lichen on the north-facing trunks of the pines. She scooped up fistfuls of gravel and called them “baby rocks.” She took me by the hand, walked through a stand of firs, and insisted that I “yook, yook at dis!” She said “hi” to the trees. She acclaimed every pine cone, every boulder, every fuzzy patch of moss.

I thought about one of my favorite books, recommended to me by one of my favorite friends: “Pilgrim at Tinker Creek,” by Annie Dillard. I loved this book’s fever-dream-like descriptions of otherwise everyday things, like a praying mantis egg, fish in a creek, a tree lit by the sun. I love how Dillard imbues mundane objects with a rapturous, almost holy aura. Without intending it, this is what my toddler was doing, too. Acclamation of the mundane is perhaps a toddler’s greatest skill. The phrase “childlike wonder” is a cliche for a reason.

Watching her watch the world was not unlike traveling to a foreign land. Everything is new to my toddler. Every bit of language is unfamiliar, every landscape is fresh, in the same way that traveling to other countries feels invigorating to me.

It started raining when I was writing this. Fall, my least favorite season, is imminent. It might really be here already. Looking back on last week’s camping trip, I feel better about my decision to avoid more than one airplane trip. The undiscovered country of a toddler’s world was enough for one summer.

*The poet and essayist Hanif Abdurraquib called September “Lower Summer” in a recent Instagram post and I will not soon forget this extremely apt phrase.

Photo: Wikimedia Commons image of a black sand beach in Iceland, where I did not go this summer.

Window: White Pine

Photograph of a chickadee on a slender branch of white pine.

It’s been a little while since I shared some bummer bird poetry. This one has the marvelous distinction of having been broadcast into a dark Scottish forest. My other poems are still a little jealous.

Window: White Pine

I.

Chaos in
the predawn dark—
starlings scream

II.

Robbing the open
pinecone, rewarded again
and again—chickadee

III.

The jay’s alarm—
Stranger! Stranger! Stranger!—
swallowed by the wind

IV.

Streetlight caught
in the raindrops caught in the
orb weaver’s web

V.

The owl arrives
soundlessly. The night
holds its breath.

VI.

i haven’t been outside since it happened

*

Photograph: Tyler Jamieson via Unsplash. This poem was previously published in SPROUT: The Nature of Cities and, as mentioned, read to the trees.

Why We Went Back


Returning to this creek was my stepdad’s idea. At 78, he wanted to try it again, but do it right this time. Twenty-some years ago, when we first hiked this mostly untrailed alpine canyon in Colorado, we planned it as a day trip with a car at either end for a shuttle. My mom was along. The canyon fell through limestone buttresses, the floor roaring where the creek jumped over boulders and falls. We didn’t make it out that day like we planned. The route proved too much and we huddled in beds of leaves through the night wearing everything we had, our campfire reduced to smoke, too damp to keep it going. The next day, groggy and with leaves in our hair, we reached our car. 

This summer, we returned with backpacks and proper gear. Three nights out would be a planned bivouac, plenty of time we thought. My mother wisely said no to this trip.

My stepdad and I climbed over fallen trees, mired for hours in labyrinths of beaver dams and their many sloughs, and he kept asking if this was the same creek. A time or two I wondered if we’d strayed into the wrong drainage, though we recognized larger features, chalky gray sheaves of limestone rising up either side of a trout stream, water running over stones of many colors. We didn’t have pictures from that first trip. We might not have taken any, too busy trying to make miles, jumping down waterfalls, our skin stinging with nettle. Now we wished we had because the route looked nothing like it did, at least not how we remembered it.

How much do you remember about twenty years ago? Who were you? In the span of a human life, it’s a good chunk. In the span of the Earth’s life, it’s less than nothing, but so much can happen.

Last time we’d walked right down the middle, calf-deep in chilled mountain water. This time we couldn’t get ten or twenty feet without nearly twisting an ankle in the creek. The bed had been so ruptured by floods that every cobble and rock was free, not at all armored by consistent flows.

My stepdad is a geologist. His go-to quote is by author Will Durant, “Civilization exists by geological consent, subject to change without notice.” In the few decades we’ve known each other, we’ve backpacked into 30-million year old calderas ringed with castles of volcanic tuff, and endless domes, arches, and grabens in Four Corners sandstones. We’ve exhausted each other asking questions about the land, theorizing and explaining the way faults intersect or how gypsum crystals craze between rocks. Now we were exhausting ourselves in avalanche chutes choked with snapped and bent-over aspen trees, trying to get around falls in the creek we couldn’t walk. If there’d ever been a trail, it was long gone.

The first few miles of the canyon had originally been the easiest, and this time took all day. New waterfalls and deep pools had formed from old, big conifers fallen into the path and boulders the size of kitchens that we swore had not been here before. A big fire had ripped through the surrounding watershed and the floods that followed were punishing, stream banks undermined, drawing down landslides. We were seeing the tick-tock of geomorphology, the action of the Earth up close.

I can scarcely account for what else has changed in these two decades. We are older, for one, and I didn’t have children back then. He wasn’t a grandfather. I was a newlywed then and now I’m married to someone else. I live a hundred miles from where I started, and have moved a number of times between here and there. My beard wasn’t completely white and now it is. Aren’t we all landscapes in this way, prone to deposition and erosion, taken apart and put back together?

When the canyon closed more tightly at the end of the day, I told him I felt dubious. The rough corridor did not seem familiar. This we remembered as being the hardest stretch, the one that forced us to bivouac that chilly night. Now it looked undoable, jammed with short, complicated waterfalls dropping one after the next around the bend and out of sight. We’d need rope to get through rougher spots with no place to walk around. I feared search and rescue would be involved.

This wasn’t just the twenty years on us; the place had actually changed. I said we shouldn’t do this, we needed to turn back. He could have been crestfallen, but he seemed resolved. He said this was his last try, and I sure thought about saying damn the torpedoes, hell or high water, let’s plunge in! What better place to perish?

We dropped a camp and slept on it.

I’ve always been the risky one in the family. I’ve gotten my stepdad into perilous circumstances in wild places on multiple continents, and we’ve made it out huffing and puffing. The point is what you see when you’re there. It’s worth the sweat. This must be part of me that changed. Our lives have a different value, or maybe it’s wisdom. In the morning, we packed up headed back the way we came.


Phot by cc

The Best Laid Plans

On July 30th, 2014, the sky turned black in the middle of the day and a thunderstorm rained tar on our car. That was the final straw of the Yellowknife wildfire season for me; I brought my then-4-year-old son down to Calgary to attend a day camp until the air cleared up North. Back then, Beijing’s air quality was so nightmarish that I was shocked we had the same particulates index reading. Now a decade later, Beijing’s skies are blue and healthy but Yellowknife is still a 20,000-person outpost in the middle of a semi-arid (very flammable) taiga that sprawls over an area twice the size of France.

At the end of that fire season in 2014 I attended a meeting where officials laid out emergency plans for future fire seasons that could get worse. Yellowknife has only one highway out of town. If fire crosses the highway and heads toward the town, we’re in trouble, they said. It would not be feasible to fly everyone out, they said, and the most extreme plan at their disposal was to order everyone to shelter in place as the fire passed over. Privately-owned construction equipment on the edge of town could be commandeered by the city, they added. I tried to imagine ‘sheltering in place’ in my beloved stick-built house with its solid diagonal beams supporting wooden decks.

Just as COVID quickly surpassed the most extreme public health plans that governments had dared dream of, this summer’s wildfire season in the North taught us that yes, sometimes you really do need to just get everyone out of town, even if it is infeasible. Multiple fires were approaching, and they looked determined to pass right through town until they reached Great Slave Lake. Yellowknife has never before had to evacuate out of the Northwest Territories, but the time had come for a group road trip.

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Guest Post: A Glimmer of Good in a Time of War

On the night of January 8, 1970, I was an A-37 attack jet pilot returning to my home base of Bien Hoa after a mission over the Mekong Delta in Vietnam. It was 1:30am as I reduced the power to separate from my leader and then zoomed the aircraft to 20,000 feet so I could see further down the horizon. Looking over the canopy rail to my right, I saw the constellation Crux for the first time in my life. Also known as the Southern Cross, it was just poking up over the southern horizon. It appeared as an X cross with a bright star at each end, just like I’d expected it would be. At my 11 o’clock, I spotted a white smudge, which I took to be the Large Magellanic Cloud (LMC). I had always wanted to see the Southern Cross and to see it under those circumstances was special — it was something good happening in the midst of war. 

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Lookit This Tree

About seven months ago, I acquired a boyfriend. I mention this for two reasons: (1) to brag that an exceptionally good-looking, kind, and intelligent man wants to hang out with me and (2) because I just recently noticed something about this tree in his front yard.

I’ve been going out of the front door there a lot, through three seasons, and walking past this tree every time. It is not a new tree. His landlord, who bought the house in 2003 and used to live in it, stopped by recently and reminisced about how tiny the tree used to be. Now it is big. Its roots are pushing up the bricks that pave the tiny yard.

A few weeks ago, on a Wednesday morning, I was waiting for him to come outside and looked at the tree, and saw something I’d never noticed before: Two horizontal lines of holes. The tell-tale sign of the yellow-bellied sapsucker.

The yellow-bellied sapsucker is a cute little woodpecker with a distinctive way of eating. It drills a line of holes across a tree, then drinks the sap that collects, along with any bugs that get stuck in it. If you see a neat little row of holes like this in a tree, at least in my area of the mid-Atlantic, you can bet: that woodpecker has been around. (Other sapsuckers do something similar in other places.) The line of holes is one of those secret signs of nature that you see if you keep your eyes on the trees. Which, apparently, I had not been doing.

The tree grows in the middle of Washington, D.C., close enough to the U.S. Capitol that my boyfriend could hear the din of the January 6 riot. And, if he’d listened very closely, maybe at some point in the last few years he could have heard a sapsucker that stopped by for a meal.

Photo: Helen Fields, obviously

Zee Lady

So, you might have read this post before. But have you ever read it while listening to Jack Black sing “Peaches“? Bonus points if you are eating a peach at the same time!

*

Confession time: I used to be a peach hater. What was wrong with me? It’s a question I often find myself asking, too.

Part of it was the pit. When I first saw a peach cut open, I was a kid. It was summer, and I was at a swimming pool. The pit looked like a tiny withered brain. A brain that left bloody marks on the peach flesh all around it, a brain that came out smeared with yellow slime.

A friend told me that the pit was poisonous. In my mind, the poison infused the whole peach, becoming a deadly pink-yellow time bomb, my own forbidden fruit. (It’s true that a peach pit contains amygdalin, which turns into hydrogen cyanide once you eat the pit—so don’t eat peach pits!—but you’d likely have to eat a lot of them to have real problems. This woman ate as many as 40 apricot pits and survived.)

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