Helen: Hello! It is I, Helen! Let us have another vicious fight/discussion/debate about…pandemic life?
Cameron: Yes! Let us! Although I don’t know if it will be a real fight this time, like all of our other very vicious fights. Would it be fair to say we are united in feeling slightly beaten down?
Helen: Oh goodness yes. If there is a winner in this fight, it is definitely the coronavirus. We have been doing this for omg-how-is-it-almost two years now, and I am so done. Except I’m not, because you can still get the thing and give it to other people and kill them, so I’m still wearing my mask and being cautious about what I do and whatnot. But mentally, I am DONE.
Cameron: Done, yet carrying on. Is there anything that’s helping you with the carrying-on part?
Helen: For me, the answer to surviving a pandemic seems to be: Crafts. I’m not sure I can even count all of the crafts I have taken up over the last two years. Embroidery was first. Then I got a stand mixer and started baking (a lot). Then…yeah like I said, I’m not sure I can count. The most recent hobby is whole wheat sourdough bread, so I’m about two years behind everyone else on that one.
Cameron: I did the sourdough thing early on and I had maybe one–maybe two–successful loaves, and then I did one that turned into a seriously sticky mess that dripped all over the floor.
Helen: Oh, no!! Did you try any other hobbies? How do you deal with being slightly-to-severely beaten down?
Cameron: Ahhh. . . some days better than others? I guess when I’m doing a good job dealing, it has something to do with being where I am right now and somehow going. . . deep into that? . This is also something I feel like I have to relearn every day. Like, I’ve been running, which has been great, and I got all inspired and signed up for this run up north. . . but as it got closer, I realized that . . . what did I realize, Helen? . . .
Helen: Running is the worst and nobody should ever do it?
Cameron: Oooh, is this our argument?
Helen: No, arguing about running is boring. I don’t like running. I’m glad you like running!
Cameron: I think I had this idea that either I was going to meet a friend and do the run, or my family was going to come and we would go to the Monterey Bay Aquarium, or there would be something fun about it. That’s it! It initially sounded FUN. But as it got closer, various things happened (coronavirus) so that I was just going to go by myself, which meant driving by myself, and staying in a hotel by myself, and eating by myself–and usually, this does sound fun, but with all the various restrictions and uncertainties involved in this, it started to sound NOT FUN. So I thought, what would be fun? (Thank you, Catherine Price!) Instead, I planned out a long trail run near where I live. It was beautiful, and my family brought me snacks about halfway, and one of my kids ran with me for part of it. It just made me appreciate being here, and my family (and my own shower and bed), and it was FUN! Where was I going with that? Being here? Being present?
Helen: Is this about place?
Cameron: Maybe?
Helen: Part of my coping is definitely hobbies. But another part is paying attention to what’s around me. I have learned so many bird songs in the last two years, and have noticed so many more behaviors by the squirrels and birds and bugs. And of course there were the cicadas, my favorite biological event.
Cameron: I think maybe I keep imagining the end (what we keep thinking is the end) of the pandemic, and I forget something about place because other places look so shiny, and then it takes my brain a while to catch up and remember that it really helps to pay attention to things?
Helen: It took me a while this winter to realize that omicron was creating another pandemic winter, and what I needed to do was go back to my coping skills from January 2021 – teaching knitting and doing art on Zoom with friends.
Cameron: Yes. I think I have this idea that someday I will not need coping skills any more–but I guess I will always need them even if/when it’s not a pandemic.
Helen: I think sometimes about the stuff from the pandemic that I want to hold onto after the pandemic. If a post-pandemic time ever arrives. Those things include: Having a ton of unscheduled time at home. In pre-pandemic times, I was doing stuff all the time. I like stuff! There’s so much great stuff to do! I live in a city! With a thriving theater scene! And so much music of all kinds! And I know approximately one million people, many of whom I like, and I make plans to see them! And somehow, through putting all of these wonderful things on my calendar, I ended up with no time to stay home, get bored, and learn how to sew.
Cameron: I agree. Also I know we both agree that staying home and getting bored are low-level pandemic problems.
Helen: There’s so much death. Nine hundred thousand people, in this country. The ways the pandemic is kind of crummy for me are nothing compared to how a lot of people are suffering. Also, though, it’s somehow happening to me, too, and this is how I’m experiencing it: A lot of isolation and a lot of crafts.
Cameron: 900,000 people! It’s a whole huge city of people. And they’re all gone.
Helen: It’s so many people. And each of them had so many people who loved them. It’s awful.
Helen: What’s the next phase of your pandemic?
Cameron: So, I got a mandolin. I’m not even sure why, I just really thought a mandolin would make me feel better and that the mandolin would be the answer to my musical lacklusterness. I’m sure it would be if I actually practiced. I recently got a hanger, so I can hang it in my shed and, I hope, just pick it up, mess around, and put it back.
Helen: Ugh, practicing is the worst. I took piano for years and never got the hang of it. Same with voice. I love singing with people, but I don’t know how to practice.
Cameron: I have the same problem with musical instruments! I know a little bit of a few different instruments, but I have never really known how to practice. It’s actually been really inspiring to see my oldest kid learning to play the violin. He really does it for fun! (Is this a theme?) He just picks up his violin and maybe plays a song–even part of a song–and then sets it down and does something else. But he does that multiple times a day! And he is really amazing after doing that for–well, he started taking lessons in February 2020, so it’s really been a pandemic practice. There’s something about those small increments adding up. And this is reminding me of your daily drawing practice.
Helen: Yeah, that’s the thing I always tell people about drawing: Did you know, if you practice something, you get better at it?!?!? Someone should have told me this years ago! (Everyone told me this. About everything. My whole life.)
Cameron: One thing that the violin teacher says is not to use the word practice. Just use the word play. Because that’s what you’re doing. Is there some way we could tie that into pandemic living? I mean, if we could only practice pandemic living for 15 minutes a day I’m sure we’d be great at it.
Helen: That’s such good advice! What a wise teacher. Maybe this is the connection: You can live in the pandemic as if you’re waiting for your regular life to come back, or you can play. For you, playing is doing a long run near home with your family’s support, and for me, playing is picking up every baking- and fiber-related hobby that catches my attention?
Cameron: Yes!
Helen: Ok, we’ve learned the lesson of the pandemic. Now can it end?
Cameron: If we concede that coronavirus has won, will it go away?
Helen: Worth a try. Ok, pandemic. We’re conceding. Maybe by the time this goes online the whole thing will be done.
Cameron: Wouldn’t that be great?
Photo: Helen Fields
I love this! Thank you for sharing your discussion. Doing a pandemic is hard. And it’s been doubly difficult, living in a part of the country where no one thinks anything of the pandemic (in Florida – there are still a lot of masks, though). Using the time wisely and balancing the urge to be productive while trying to have fun without “killing grandma” has been an interesting practice. Helen, I’m so glad you mentioned the cicadas! I love cicadas and the awakening people are having to the subtle (and not so) nature around them. Cameron, my husband was planning to buy me a mandolin for Christmas – I asked him not to, I never practice my guitar nor our piano (although I want to – I really, really want to), I’m probably not going to practice another instrument (I sing in the car, does that count?) It seems to me both of you have a super-sane handle on this insanity-time. Thank you again for reminding me that we are all asking – WTF – of ourselves, of each other – just about constantly!
Thanks, Helen and Cameron! I feel like I’ve been sitting off by myself in a coffeeshop, and in walks a pair intent on catching up that doesn’t mind if others listen–or even join in when it comes time to discuss of pandemic life.
My ears really perked up at: “How do you deal with being slightly-to-severely beaten down?”
All I can say is that we’ve had a cold winter here. I walked my seven-year-old to school the other day with a wind chill of -16, then preceded to debate whether it was too cold for the three-year-old to go to Forest School. I’ve found the clear, cold days lovely though. On starry nights, I put on my new quilt-lined overalls and neoprene boots and go out to my yard. I may not practice anything new, but I am cultivating the skill of being outside at unusual hours. I call it my field work. I keep a notebook.
Thank you, Sandy and Rachel! Sandy, if I ever figure out how to practice my mandolin, I will report back. You were wise to know your instrumental limits. Rachel, I love your field work. I also find myself thinking that quilt-lined overalls will solve everything.
Gosh it has been two years! I realized it because I was present with the birth of my first grandchild….that day the hospital locked down for the start of what was to be a normal pandemic thing. What is great about hearing your pandemic conversation is that we all seem to be reaching for the same things like making bread, spending more time in nature or learning something new. I feel so lonely though. Next to keeping elders healthy, this has been the hardest part of the pandemic.