At some point last year, a friend told me about The Book of Delights by Ross Gay. Starting on one birthday and continuing to the next, Gay kept an (almost) daily catalog of things that delighted him. It seemed like an inspired idea, so I put the book on hold at my local library. Shortly after my father suffered a debilitating stroke, it was ready for pickup. It turned out to be exactly what I needed in those days I was shuttling back and forth between my parents’ house and the hospital.
Gay is a beautiful writer (he’s a poet, after all) and his book delighted me. He acknowledges all that is wrong with the world, and gives permission to feel joy nevertheless. It was a reminder that even when everything is shit — as it was in those weeks after my father had his terrifying stroke and my best friend’s teenage son died by suicide — it is possible to find beauty in the world.
Gay’s book inspired me to start noticing the delights in my own life. I told my mom about the book, and we began a ritual of sharing our daily delights with one another. I took delight in seeing a tidy row of birds always perched on the same power line on my drive to the rehab facility where Dad was staying at the time. Mom delighted in an odd quirk in the fonts of some of the street signs in a neighborhood she passed through on the same drive.
One afternoon during my many visits with Mom and Dad, I went for a trail run near their house and noticed a large boulder that had a bump that looked like an eye. I stopped, picked up some smaller rocks and arranged them so that the boulder was smiling at anyone who passed by. I knew that these rocks were inert shards of an indifferent universe, but for a blink of a moment I transformed them into beacons of joy. Delight!
A few months later, I met my sister halfway between her house and mine to celebrate her birthday, and we both pulled up to the hotel at precisely the same time. Delight!
Another morning back at home, I noted the satisfying crunch of the snow underneath my boots. Delight!
Often, my delight comes from creatures who share my habitat — a golden eagle, or the herd of elk that like to hang out in the meadow across from my house. I almost always experience a delight on my morning walk, but I find delights in interactions with other people too. There was the stranger I encountered out on the ski trails recently who wore a hat that said, “Find Your Paradise” and she smiled at me, and me at her, as we agreed that this place was ours.
While visiting my parents just before Christmas, I went out for a run near where I’d constructed the smiling boulder and found someone else’s rock smiling up at me. Delight!
It has become a habit — this noticing of delights. I text them to Mom, and she sends me her delights in return. It’s a way of checking in on one another to confirm that we can still feel joy, even in these dark times.
What I’ve learned is that the simple act of naming delightful moments helps me to cherish them a little more. Except to text them to Mom, I don’t write them down, but I don’t need to. The purpose is to savor the fleeting moment and notice it while it lasts. Delight!
If you liked this post, you might enjoy Jane’s recent post about the Book of Delights. (Great minds think alike!)
I love Ross Gay and got his book on Audible. His voice us a delight, and so is this piece.
I love our backyard!
Thank you !
Thanks, Christie. Your post reminds me that the funny thing about looking for delights is that when I’m in the right mood I can even trick my mind into delighting in ordinary unpleasantness and difficulties. For example, take my toddler wailing on the floor and grabbing at my legs because he’s not interested in the dinner I cooked for him. I crouch down near him sometimes and feel the power of his fury and tell myself that this is a blessed time. And, I invite myself to look at him, knowing all too well that everything can and will change. Maybe there’s no trick to this. Sometimes a great deal of pain teaches us how to be still, how to just look.
I heard an interview with Ross Gay on NPR when his book came out and have been meaning to read it since. Now I’m reading The Joy of Small Things, by Nigella Lawson, which is based on a similar idea. For years, I’ve been making a list of 3-6 good things each day. Most days I post it on Facebook. It started as a way of noticing what’s good and right even when it feels like the world is burning down. It’s also a small push against the way social media can be a cess pool of negativity and conflict. It is a tool for battling my own bent toward depression.
Thank you for sharing your daily joys. It helps so much to know how many of us are here, looking for the beauty, joy, delight, and goodness.
thanks for all these nice comments! Rachel, I love your trick for finding delight in unpleasant moments. And Dava, thanks for the book suggestion.
LOVE ross gay — and this post — check out his poem BECOMING A HORSE — i can’t read it without crying.
I too just posted on social media about Ross Gay’s Book of Delights – reminding people to “Tend joy and practice delight.” I have enjoyed noticing and remarking upon delightful things in my every day. The first sip of coffee (delight!). Prime parking spot when I’m running late (delight!). Receiving the link to this article from a mutual friend who is also a former classmate(delight!)