The other day I started counting scissors.
Why?
Because there’s a pandemic.
That should be reason enough. But if you need more, it’s because, spending all this time at home, I got started thinking about how many tools I have that do more or less the same thing. The stand mixer, the hand mixer, the blender, and the food processor. The DVD player, the CD player, and the optical drives in the laptops.
The other day, the tool I was thinking about was scissors. I could think of seven pairs right away, then nine. Most have different functions. When I dug through drawers and boxes, I got up to 14. There are probably more. That Swiss army I used to have, with a tiny folding pair of scissors – it’s lost, but it could be lost in here somewhere.
Because there’s a pandemic, and I’ve had a lot of time to think about the stuff riding out the pandemic with me, I present: All of the scissors in my apartment. In the order in which they appear in the photo above, starting at the top of the circle.
1. This reliable, yellow-handled pair lives in a can on my desk and I grab them any time I just need to cut some paper or get into a padded envelope. I think I bought them in Italy in 1998. If I’m right, and I have managed to hang onto one pair of scissors for 23 years, I am very impressed with myself.
2. The second pair with yellow handles came in a set of three from IKEA. (The other two don’t live here.) They are in a can in the kitchen, where I can grab them whenever I need to get into a food package. They go through the dishwasher often and seem to be surviving.
3. My folding scissors live in an Altoids tin with a bunch of stitch markers, big-eyed needles, and other knitting-related tools. These scissors’ only job is to cut yarn. Once some security folks in the Frankfurt airport spent several minutes digging through my bag for that weird-shaped metal thing they’d seen on the x-ray. (When they found it, they concluded that these scissors were, in fact, legal to carry on a plane, which I knew, which is why I had them.)
4. At some point in 2014 or so, I realized that I needed fabric scissors. (You don’t cut fabric with regular scissors.) So I bought this blue pair.
5. In the summer of 2015, I was on a short trip to New York and made a wee pilgrimage to Mood, the fabric store that featured in Project Runway. I didn’t really need any fabric, but I was excited to be there and wanted a souvenir. I remembered that I needed fabric scissors. I forgot that I had already dealt with that need. I bought the zebra scissors. Now I have two pairs of fabric scissors. I regret nothing.
6. I bought these very strong poultry shears to spatchcock a turkey. I used them once, to spatchcock one turkey. It was fine, but I usually do a chicken for Thanksgiving now.
7. My dad got me toucan kitchen scissors for Christmas one year as a replacement for the IKEA scissors. I always end up using the IKEA scissors, even though these are way cuter. I feel a little bad about that. I do enjoy looking at these.
8. I got these gold-handled embroidery scissors last year because I dropped the old pair too many times, and one of the tips bent. I try not to drop these as often. For embroidery, it’s handy to have very, very pointy scissors, so you can get under any errant stitches and cut through them.
9. The purple-handled embroidery scissors have one wonky point. Sorry, scissors.
10-14, not pictured: I didn’t retake the photo for the last five pairs, because one is a random, not-very-good pair that I bought in Sweden and never use, and the other four are scissors from the office that came home with me last year in a box of craft supplies for the work crafting group. Two are still in their packages.
This seems like a ludicrous number of scissors. When you have the right tool, something that seemed very annoying, finnicky, or just plain impossible – getting a clean cut in fabric or yarn, or laying a turkey out flat for roasting – becomes straightforward. I have used every one of pairs 1-9 in the last year–most of them in the last week.
What scissors do you have that aren’t on this list? Gardening shears, maybe? Some kind of nail scissors? Do you cut hair, or upholstery? Tell me about it in the comments.
Photo: Helen Fields
Garden clippers (2), branch lopper, garden shears, robust snipper, delicate snipper, kitchen scissors, fabric scissors, paper scissors, blunt edged for little kids, fingernail scissors (2), tiny Swiss army knife scissors, mending scissors, miscellaneous crap Ikea scissors. That’s 15. This was fun.
My two boys, ages 2 and 6, have between them 8 pairs of scissors. All, in reality, belong to the older child, but they both use them. I spend these pandemic days always putting them “up high” on bookshelves, the microwave, & in the corner where the countertop meets the wall, and now the 2-year-old knows that if he wants a pair of scissors, he only needs to drag some chair (they all lack felt pads–who has time to trim felt pads!) along the wood floor to check in one of these spots.
I admit, I envy you for the very good pair of scissors you once bought in Sweden (which is a strange thing to envy a person for.)
Besides the things you’ve listed, I also have pinking shears, which I hardly ever use. A pair of scissors that look like the Eiffel Tower, which sit in a cup on my desk so I can snip yarn. Kitty snips and puppy snips in my project bags, also for yarn. And embroidery scissors, anodized rainbow metal, shaped like a unicorn, also for yarn!
At least 3 pair I have had over 50 years. Sears brand fabric and pinking shears, made by Gingher, plus some original Solingen stork embroidery scissors. I am a sucker for embroidery scissors, so I have at least 7 other pairs of those, from inexpensive to quite expensive and nice. A half dozen pair of the orange handled ones from Finland. A few years ago I discovered the Kai brand, and have bought several (4) of their professional line. A delight to use in sewing, their serrated edge ones cut silks and chiffons without slipping. Also their barber shears, which also have micro serrations and cut straight. Latest purchase was the Xacto multi-material shears, so good I bought 2 more to put around the house. They will cut through just about anything. Dead cheap on Amazon too. That adds to about 24, I think that’s about right. Dont get me started on the rotary cutters though, that’s another count.
I just read this post out loud to my mom. We’re at my grandparents’ house and are truly never more than three feet from a pair of scissors.