The Last Word On Nothing

The 2018 FIFA World Cup begins today (or, has already begun, depending on which time zone you’re in and when you’re reading this). This time around, the American team didn’t qualify. It’s embarrassing, to be frank, that we managed to miss the World Cup. You can read more about how it all happened here. Yes, I’m still mad. No, I don’t want to talk about it right now. Instead I want to talk about awful announcing. 

The US being out might mean that you want to watch the World Cup but you’re not sure who to root for. There are a handful of quizzes online to help you out. My favorite is this one from Five Thirty Eight. But here are a few others.

For me, I’m picking two allegiances. On the one hand, Iceland, the underdog of all underdogs, who in the 2016 European Championships surprised everybody by advancing to the quarterfinals. On the other hand, in the words of Issa Rae, “I’m rooting for everybody black.” That is, all African teams: Nigeria, Egypt, Senegal, Morocco and Tunesia (yes, I know, some of these teams probably don’t identify as “black,” I was trying to make a timely reference to pop-culture).

Soccer (yeah yeah I know, it’s football, don’t @ me) is the world’s game. You know what else is the world’s game? Racism! And during the World Cup, American announcers are extremely annoying in this regard. These days, at least we have announcers who actually know the rules of the game, mostly. But they almost certainly know nothing at all about the players who don’t come from the United States or Europe. Pay attention, as you watch this World Cup, to how the announcers talk about the black players and African teams in particular. They’re always described as “athletic,” “powerful,” “raw talent.” They are assumed to lack the finesse and grace of their white/European counterparts who are described using words like “cultured” and “finesse.”

Here’s a thread where you can find a lot of examples:

Should we have a counter for how much commentators are going to use “pace and power” to describe Black and African players this World Cup? Or make it a drinking game?

— Zito (@_Zeets) June 13, 2018

Sure, African teams often don’t have the same resources as the big guns in Europe and South America do. But remember, Luis Suárez’s signature move is literally biting people. I’m not joking. Zinedine Zidane, the French captain, was ejected from the 2006 World Cup for head butting another player in the chest, completely off the ball. And Senegal’s 2018 team looks every bit as intelligent as its European rivals. 

Anyway, last World Cup I created a bingo sheet for terrible tropes that announcers use during games in which African teams are playing. I’ve refreshed it a bit with some new examples, and here it is for you to use as you may. I do not suggest making this a drinking game, unless you want to be very, very drunk.