In September 2000, the UN came up with eight Millenium Development Goals. Things like solving malaria and reducing infant mortality. Perhaps out of despair for the scale of these problems–but I fear out of something worse in me–I show no signs of dedicating my life to such noble goals. They’re more important than anything I’m doing, and yet I can’t hold them in my mind for more than a few seconds before I tire of the earnestness and squareness of the whole thing. I do feel pretty strongly about war, but that’s not on the list.
I can, however, get behind the general idea of setting goals as a species. For instance, I’ve written and spoken extensively about the idea of lengthening the effective human lifespan by reducing our need for sleep. One of DARPA’s goals is “to enable soldiers to stay awake, alert, and effective for up to seven consecutive days without suffering any deleterious mental or physical effects and without using any of the current generation of stimulants.” That’s a goal I would rather see made collectively, for any of us civilians who wish it.
So you can imagine my delight when I came across a post on BoingBoing about Robert Boyle’s “Desiderata”, a 17th Century wish list of scientific breakthroughs. Though still working out things like his eponymous Boyle’s Law–the rule that pressure and volume are inversely proportional–he had the imagination to set some millennial goals of his own.
Many of the 24 goals he set had seen little significant progress in the 1600s. That’s why it’s so surprising to see how many we’ve actually got licked by now. I took the liberty of writing the old boy some notes on our progress.
1) The Prolongation of Life.
I have good news for you there, Bob. We’ve doubled our life expectancy since your time. But somehow it doesn’t feel like enough.
2) The Recovery of Youth, or at least some of the Marks of it, as new Teeth, new Hair colour’d as in youth.
If you only knew how many middle-aged women now have flaxen hair and whitened teeth. But again, it doesn’t feel like enough for us.
3) The Art of Flying
We did you one better, Bob. Not only are we all living in giant birds in the sky, but we’ve even started flying where there is no air. In fact, your predecessor Johannes Kepler dared to set an even bigger intention for us, and we’re starting to listen to him. In a 1610 letter to Galileo, Kepler wrote, “Let us create vessels and sails adjusted to the heavenly ether, and there will be plenty of people unafraid of the empty wastes. In the meantime, we shall prepare, for the brave sky travelers, maps of the celestial bodies.”
4) The Art of Continuing long under water, and exercising functions freely there.
Ya, scuba diving is fun. Still working on ocean trench travel, but basically we’re good.
5) The Cure of Wounds at a Distance
Don’t know what you mean, Bob. We do have nurses we can call on the phone. Also antibiotics. For now.
6) The Cure of Diseases at a distance or at least by Transplantation.
Dude, you would not believe the things that are being transplanted now. It weirds us out, but we still do it.
7) The Attaining Gigantick Dimensions
This sounds kind of cool. We didn’t bother being huge because we mostly built huge stuff instead.
8) The Emulating of Fish without Engines by Custome and Education only.
Ya, Olympic swimming records are pretty amazing since swimmers adopted the dolphin kick.
9) The Acceleration of the Production of things out of Seed.
Pretty sure we can do this, but maybe not to the extent that you’re imagining. Natural processes still take time.
10) The Transmutation of Metals
In some instances, yes, although alchemy hasn’t worked out the way you imagined.
11) The makeing of Glass Malleable
I’m kind of surprised you couldn’t do this in your time. Glass blowing is an ancient art, is it not? But ya, sure. I think you’ll be pleased with materials science in general, actually.
12) The Transmutation of Species in Mineralls, Animals, and Vegetables.
If you try broccolflower, you’ll take that wish back. Also when you see glowing rabbits and goats that excrete silk in their milk.
13) The Liquid Alkaest and Other dissolving Menstruums
We have solvents, but I think Alkaest is another alchemy thing. You’re up a blind alley there.
14) The making of Parabolicall and Hyperbolicall Glasses.
I’m wearing some right now. IN MY EYES.
15) The making of Armor light and extremely hard.
We’ve done this so much that the definition of ‘hard’ has changed in the sense of deflecting the force of projectiles. But we’ve also developed weapons for which hard and light armor is no protection.
16) The practicable and certain way of finding Longitudes.
Check. Annoying GPS voices notwithstanding.
17) The use of Pendulums at Sea and in Journeys, and the Application of it to watches.
Done.
18) Potent Druggs to alter or Exalt Imagination, Waking, Memory, and other functions, and appease pain, procure innocent sleep, harmless dreams, etc.
Oh, Honey. If you only knew.
19) A Ship to saile with All Winds, and A Ship not to be Sunk.
Since the Titanic, we don’t talk about unsinkable ships. But sure.
20) Freedom from Necessity of much Sleeping exemplify’d by the Operations of Tea and what happens in Mad-Men.
THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING. WHY IS THIS THE ONLY ONE WE DIDN’T LISTEN TO?
21) Pleasing Dreams and physicall Exercises exemplify’d by the Egyptian Electuary and by the Fungus mentioned by the French Author.
What the fuck are you on about? Are you on some “Potent Druggs”?
22) Great Strength and Agility of Body exemplify’d by that of Frantick Epileptick and Hystericall persons.
You’re a hystericall person.
23) A perpetuall Light
K.
24) Varnishes perfumable by Rubbing.
Go home, old man. It’s your bedtime.
Point is, let’s make another one of these lists, because for all we know, this guy made the future 400 years ago just by setting some basic priorities.
Image: Royal Society Archives RB/1/8/30
We got number 24 nailed with scratch and sniff stickers.