Being a new parent is a lot like trying to land an airplane with an engine on fire: barely controlled chaos in which all kinds of people are yelling different ideas in your ears. None of it is all that helpful but no one is volunteering to take the controls either.
How long should you breastfeed? How can I get my baby to sleep through the night? Can I drink alcohol while pregnant?
Someone should really write a book about this stuff. Oh that’s right, someone did. And not just someone, in fact everyone. I would estimate about 50 percent of everyone I have ever met has written some kind of parenting book (the other 50 have self-published social media strategy books).
How can you possibly sort it out? Do you Ferberize or do you co-sleep? Breastmilk or formula? And until when? How do you set up an easy-to-set-up playpen? What is an Apgar score? If I discipline my child can she still go to Harvard? And seriously, how the $#%*ing @%&! do you set up the &$#!ing playpen??
Sifting through the three and a half billion baby books on the market I quickly learned that most of them are less about good science and more about science that backs up whatever the author already thinks. And each one sounds completely right while you’re reading it and like complete crap when you pick up the next book.
Apparently I am not alone in this – Tara Haelle and Emily Willingham were right there next to me in their frustration and confusion over what to believe from parenting research. And so, unlike the billions of other authors out there, they wrote a book I actually wanted to read: “The Informed Parent.”
You see, rather than picking some arbitrary, hip-sounding panacea idea (Attachment! No, detachment! No, extreme breastfeeding!) and tying it to all the world’s problems, they approached parenting the way I would have – like a science writer.
As a science writer, it’s my job to weigh all the evidence that’s available and make an informed decision. I’m not a cheerleader for a certain idea, I just try to come to the best conclusion I can based on the knowledge available. And that’s what this book does.
I first heard about “The Informed Parent” at a science conference in February when I sat down with Haelle and listened as she told me about the horrid mountain of scientific literature she had to tunnel through in order to write it. I literally broke out in cold sweats. Have you ever considered wading into the 400 papers on Pubmed dedicated to diaper choice? Or seriously read the decades of literature on breast milk?
Just the thought makes me want to curl into a ball, stick my thumb in my mouth, and get bludgeoned by a pack of tiger moms. But Haelle and Willingham did it so that we don’t have to. And rather than tying the whole book up in a neat little bow, they digest these mountains of data into simple, evidence-based advice.
Can you drink at all during your pregnancy? One drink isn’t the end of the world but you really shouldn’t. Is it okay to use formula? Breastfeeding is great but it will not determine your child’s Ivy League prospects. Should I let my infant cry it out or should I tend to his every need? It doesn’t matter – the only person whose long term psychological state is at risk is you.
Each section is choked full of informative, well-balanced ideas and summarize all the relevant studies. But best of all, there are no axes being ground. Neither of the authors has staked their careers on a particular philosophy and so they are free to just call it like they see it.
My only problem with this book was that it didn’t have enough. Haelle and Willingham clearly targeted the most hot-button issues but several times in the past couple months I’ve gone to it with some question or other about vomit or rice meal or – and again and I can’t stress this enough – how the hell you set up the stupid kid’s stupid playpen, only to find it wasn’t in there.
So my only problem is that one book wasn’t enough. That’s right, in the end what is needed to make this book better is – and I can’t believe I am saying this – more parenting books.
Photo Credit: Shutterstock and Meghan Dhaliwal.
I got to meet Emily Willingham once through a mutual friend and have been reading her stuff ever since. My kids are too old for this book to help me but I was happy to see when it came out, knowing that if she was involved, all the advice would be rational and evidence-based. I’m so glad for all the new parents who get to benefit from it!
Fun review, Erik! I so totally agree with you about the worthlessness of most baby care books. I only wish this book came out when my littles were still tiny!
I think you accidentally included an extra “stupid”. See above: “stupid kid’s stupid playpen”. I am sure you didn’t mean to call our little angel stupid, stupid — I mean darling.
— the mother of your child